Thursday, April 27, 2006

Cope

I've had my new Plumb cd for a month or more already but yesterday was the first time I really listened to the words of the song "Jekyll and Hyde." It's amazing to me how God can get through to me even when I am flailing wildly, doing anything but listening for His voice. He is so gentle but also gets right to the point; the point that is hurting the most right now. I didn't even realize how badly I needed to bleed all over the place with Jesus carefully binding up my wounds. It's been so many years....how well I have learned to cope....

"You remind me of a cigarette.
You burn up slowly and go out like that
You make it harder for me to breathe
You make my head hurt, you make my skin stink

So why don't you leave me alone
Or say you were wrong

Cause I don't wanna hide
I need the tears inside to dry
I want more than just to try and love you
Jekyll and Hyde

Well it's not easy for me to be
Somebody different, somebody else but me
But you're the actor, the extraordinaire
You make it look like I am the crazy one here

I am willing to forgive
Are you willing to take ownership?
Cause I'm so willing to forgive
We're only given one chance to live"

-Plumb (Chaotic Resolve)

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

My djembe drum has never been so happy! I got to bring it out for our Easter celebration on Maundy Thursday and last Sunday evening at The House cafe for King's Bridge. I played with Matt Bonham, fellow worshipper and guitar player. He played and sang some of his own songs, (so beautiful!) and I backed him up with the drum.

I gotta learn some new rhythms though, so I might go check out a local drum circle or somethin'.

Cheers!

Monday, April 17, 2006

My Resurrection

"Then Jesus shouted, 'Lazarus, come out!' And Lazarus came out, bound in graveclothes, his face wrapped in a headcloth. Jesus told them, 'Unwrap him and let him go!' - John 11:43-44

Jesus calls me out of the depths of darkness

"...I came by and saw you there, helplessly kicking about in your own blood. As you lay there, I said 'Live!' And I helped you to thrive like a plant in the field." - Ezekiel 16:6-7

Jesus calls to me to live

"You grew up and became a beautiful jewel...the splendor I bestowed on you perfected your beauty, says
the Sovereign Lord." - Ezekiel 16:7;14

Jesus calls me beautiful



Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Homesick

As I was going for my run today, very reluctantly I might add, I let my thoughts wander. I do a lot of good thinking when I run and today I also let out some frustrations as I pounded the pavement.

I'm having another not so great day.

Maybe it's because the life I'm living is all the more magnified since coming home from the lake this weekend. A life I'm just not satisfied with. It's hard to admit because I feel guilty for saying it. I have an amazing family, wonderful friends and a church community I've really invested in, but I know this is just not 'it' for me.

But how do I trust God with this time despite my dissatisfaction? How much do I involve myself in my future and how much do I let Him lead? Do I go in faith? Or wait in faith?

I am aching, longing, dreaming of my Africa and the people there who seem to call me to them. It sounds ridiculous, but there it is. It's my own personal obsession, my passion, my dream.

I am homesick today. Homesick for Africa. And getting a little weary of waiting...

Monday, April 03, 2006

Where The Spirit of the Lord Is There Is Freedom

I'm feeling the slight depression of coming home from a weekend of God, people, and nature. I've felt a little groggy and 'meh' all day, but the weekend was really nice. I'm so glad I got out of the city even for a few days. And jammin' on my guitar all weekend worshipping Jesus with my friends was awesome.

Here comes a new week, here comes trying to fit everything into a schedule, and here comes Grace to help me not forget what I'm ultimately created for....Him.